When Your Doctor Doesn’t Get It

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I’m currently 5 months pregnant and have had some frustrating experiences with the midwives I see, even though I told them from the first appointment that I have a history of an eating disorder. But they are hyper-focused on food and have suggested fad diets. The last midwife I saw asked me to walk her through a typical day of my diet, starting with breakfast. I told her I was not comfortable with that (I’m very protective of the recovery I worked so hard to achieve!) and I don’t want to find myself triggered by focusing too much on diet. She said she wanted to be sensitive to that, but then proceeded to be anything but and asked me questions like, “Do you eat fast food?” with a judgmental tone.

Unfortunately, it’s common for people with eating disorders to have run-ins like this with the medical community. I’ve heard some doosey stories from clients, let me tell you, including the patronizing but typical, “Just eat,” or “Just stop it” responses when they finally have the courage to disclose their disorder.

So it’s completely understandable that for many people with an eating disorder, going to the doctor is a very anxiety-provoking experience. Sometimes, it can even be downright triggering. Here are some tips to help it be a more positive experience, as well as what to do when your doctor just doesn’t get it.

  1. Tell your doctor about your eating disorder or history of an eating disorder. I know, I know… I just talked about how awful doctors’ responses can be. And it is, admittedly, just a really uncomfortable conversation to have. But they don’t have an opportunity to respond well if they aren’t told, and they will hopefully show some sensitivity (there really are some who do!).  Also, some meds are not recommended for people with certain eating disorders because of possible adverse reactions like seizures so your doctor needs to know your entire medical history when prescribing things for you.
  2. Opt to do a blind weight or don’t be weighed at all. You can close your eyes or stand backwards on the scale while they weigh you so you don’t see your weight. Or you can just not be weighed at all. You might get some pushback, but it is your right to refuse.
  3. Communicate with your doctor about what triggers you. Whether it’s avoiding being weighed or declining to talk about a fad diet that’s being suggested, you can draw boundaries by saying you don’t feel comfortable discussing those things. IMPORTANT: I’m not suggesting automatically shutting your doctor down about these topics, because ideally, they should be a part of the team helping you be healthy. And you need to be sure your motivation for avoiding these topics is pro-recovery and not to hide or maintain your eating behaviors. But some doctors just aren’t sensitive or informed enough about eating disorders to be helpful. So if you’re realizing your doctor falls into that category, be your own advocate and remember that you, not the doctor, are in charge of your care.
  4. Find a new doctor if necessary. If advocating for yourself and offering your doctor some education about eating disorders isn’t working (or you don’t want to even put that effort in), don’t be afraid to part ways with your doctor. We as patients are consumers, which means if we’re not comfortable with the service and treatment we’re receiving, we have every right to take our business elsewhere and shouldn’t feel guilty about that at all.

A big part of eating disorder recovery is learning to find your voice, so these tips are not easy to do. But they are an opportunity to practice using your voice, taking charge of your life, and realizing you are capable. You can do it.

Much love,
Cherie Signature

About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope
Cherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

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A Potential Flaw in Positive Thinking Psychology

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Photo Credit: ileanaandrei.ro

There’s a lot of talk these days about positive thinking and how important it is to change your thinking to improve your health and happiness. And while I won’t argue that our mindset affects our feelings and behavior (because I believe it absolutely does), I am concerned that we can put too much emphasis on thinking. That’s a big statement for a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) therapist to make! But here’s the balance that I would like to bring to the discussion: Though highly influential, thoughts are not an all-powerful force in our lives.

There are potential drawbacks to believing that everything we think affects our behavior. So even while we acknowledge the significance of our thoughts and strive to have healthier, more constructive thinking patterns, let’s also recognize some limitations of our thoughts. For example, thoughts…

  • do not always reflect what we really believe, feel or want.
  • do not always mean we will act on whatever that thought is.
  • do not always reflect reality.

Let’s take a closer look at why each of these points is relevant.

#1. Thoughts do not always reflect what we really believe, feel or want. We all have had bizarre, maybe even dark thoughts that pop into our heads at times—that is a normal part of being human. It does not mean you are “crazy” or a bad person. Some people struggle with these types of thoughts more than others, particularly people with issues like anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or postpartum depression. On the extreme end, I’ve had clients who had intrusive thoughts about things like stabbing their spouses or molesting their child (even though they had no reason or desire to do such things), and they worried it meant there was something evil inside of them. Being bothered by your thoughts is a sign that they don’t reflect your wants or values. In cases like these that go beyond the “normal” occasional bizarre thoughts we all have, there are often biological causes for these thoughts. There is sometimes trauma in that person’s past that can be influencing these thoughts.

#2. Thoughts do not always mean we will act on whatever that thought is. Thoughts do not automatically manifest into behavior. None of my clients who had bizarre, or even violent, intrusive thoughts ever acted on them because that is not who they were.

Now, sometimes our thoughts do line up with our feelings and that makes it more likely we will act on them, but it doesn’t mean we have to. This is key for my clients in eating disorder recovery, who might have obsessive thoughts about not eating or about thinking they are fat (and also feeling fat). Though it can be incredibly difficult, they can choose not to act on those thoughts. In her book, Life without Ed, Jenni Shaefer describes it as “disobeying” the eating disorder. We can have thoughts and feelings about harming ourselves and decide to call a friend instead. A tape can play in our head about how that big presentation at work will be a flop, but then it turns out we nail it.

#3. Thoughts do not always reflect reality. Thoughts, like feelings, are not facts. Research confirms that much of what we worry about doesn’t even happen.¹ And just because we think something doesn’t make it true. We can think we’re ugly and actually be attractive. We can think we’re an idiot and be very intelligent. We can think we are boring and socially awkward while in reality, people find us engaging and pleasant to be around. The stories we tell ourselves are just that: stories. And sometimes stories are only partially true or sometimes they are completely false.

It is really, really good news that while we work on changing detrimental thoughts, we are not completely at their mercy until they change or go away. We can still choose to ignore or to act opposite of our thoughts when they aren’t healthy. Remember friends, we are not just thoughts… we also have a will and a conscience and many other elements that make up who we are and drive what we do.

Much love,
Cherie Signature

¹References: “85 Percent of What We Worry About Never Happens” By Don Joseph Goewey (www.huffingtonpost.com/don-joseph-goewey-/85-of-what-we-worry-about_b_8028368.html)

About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope
Cherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

When You Can’t Fix Your Family

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Photo Credit: Getty Images

Sometimes the people in our life who should love us the most and treat us with the most care, actually treat us with the most indifference. Or worse… inflict the most harm on us. It’s awful and it’s not fair, because we don’t get to pick our family. The good news is that as we get older, we get to decide how close we will be, emotionally and physically, to those family members. (See my previous post about How You Can (Finally!) Disengage from a Toxic Parent.)

A lady I used to do therapy with has a very dysfunctional family she struggled to detach from, even though their toxic behavior and comments provoked disabling anxiety for her, as well as profound feelings of shame and isolation. At 61-years-old, this woman was still trying to earn their approval and acceptance, and blaming herself for their maltreatment, thinking on a subconscious level that if she could just do things ‘right’, they’d finally love her.

Once, she described a vivid dream that she had when she was just four years old: “I was on a battlefield in the middle of a war and there was shooting and bombs were going off. I was lost and terrified at all the chaos and violence, when my parents and brothers and sisters drove up in a Jeep. I thought I was being rescued, but they looked at me, and then just drove off, leaving me there. I remember I woke up bawling, I was so scared and hurt that they left me.”

I asked if her if that little four-year-old girl deserved to be rescued, if she deserved more love and protection from her family than she got—not just in the dream but in real life.

“Yes!” my client almost shouted, angry tears welling up in her eyes as she grieved for that little girl.

“You are that little girl still. You’re just older. But there wasn’t a point, a specific age, when you stopped deserving those things.”

Friends, it’s so tempting for us, especially when we’re children trying to make sense of a confusing world, to believe that our family’s chaos or the abuse or neglect we suffer at their hands is our fault. Because if it’s our fault, then we can fix it, right? If it’s not our fault, and it is actually theirs… well, then that means we have no control over their behavior and that is scary—again, especially when we’re vulnerable children dependent on those very people.

Now you are grown up. And you still can’t fix them. And you can’t change them by ‘fixing’ yourself. But you can put in boundaries to minimize the degree to which they continue to rob you of joy, peace, and self-esteem. You get to decide now what you will and will not accept. And I hope you’ll stop accepting anything that is wounding your heart and soul. Believe it yet or not, you do deserve better.

Much love,
Cherie Signature

About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope
Cherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

When Recovery Is One More Way to Beat Yourself Up

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Most people with eating disorders struggle with perfectionism… and that certainly includes how they approach the recovery process. Is that you? Do you hold perfectionist standards for what recovery should look like and how long it should last? These standards are based less on the reality of recovery and more on the unhealthy expectations of yourself that contributed to the eating disorder in the first place. There is no room for error, little compassion for oneself, and the notion that recovery should be relatively quick once the decision is made to get better.

But dear one, that approach to recovery will leave you feeling like a failure because unrealistic expectations are always a set-up for failure. Recovery is worth it, yes, but no doubt about it, it is also messy and hard. And it always takes longer than we want it to. Going into the process accepting these things can help you avoid feeling discouraged or giving up entirely. So let’s create some new rules for recovery that are more compassionate, realistic, and ultimately, helpful. Here were my 5 rules for recovery when I was in it. I’ve seen clients come up with some amazing others. Make your own list and read them whenever you’re feeling frustrated with yourself about recovery.

My 5 Rules of Eating Disorder Recovery

1) I will not rush recovery. I will give myself whatever time I need to heal properly and wholly. And I will not be angry with myself for how long it takes.

2) I will not expect healing to be a straight path. There are going to be bad days and setbacks and temptations to give up. But I will keep going and will not let recovery be just one more area in my life where I demand perfection from myself.

3) I will not make excuses; I will take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

4) I will say my affirmations out loud every day, even if I don’t believe them. Even if it feels stupid or weird.

5) I will not listen to the inner terrorist, and I will challenge her lies with Truth.

I’d love to hear some of the ones you’d put on your list!

Much love,
Cherie Signature

About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope
Cherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

How to Love a Porcupine

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At an eating disorder support group I led recently, a mom said the one “gift” her daughter could give her was to try and recover from her anorexia. She was struggling with understanding how her daughter could see the damage her eating disorder was doing to their family and still refuse to even try recovery. Without saying these exact words, I believe her feelings were akin to, “If you loved me, you would stop.”

Anyone who has been in a relationship with someone with an eating disorder or substance addiction can probably relate to that. In your head, you might know it has nothing to do with you, but it feels like it does. And often, when you push people to get better before they are ready, they will act in pretty unloving ways to defend themselves. It can be be like trying to hug a porcupine…the more you try to help, the more you get hurt. This frustrating cycle usually leads to feelings of resentment and maybe even pretty strong anger—on both sides.  So how do you get out of the cycle without giving up on the other person? Here are some tips on how to love a porcupine (i.e. someone not ready to recover).

#1. Realize how difficult it is to even choose recovery, much less walk through it. Another girl in the group who has an eating disorder told that mom that her own mother had expressed similar things to her in the past before she started into recovery. “I love my mom so much. I felt like I would do anything for her… but she was literally asking me to do the one thing I couldn’t do at the time.” This brave young woman went on to explain that the fear was overwhelming, even to the point of overwhelming her love for others. “I was absolutely terrified at the thought of treatment and gaining weight.”

#2. Be a learner. Unless you have an eating disorder, you can never fully understand what it is like to have one, but you can educate yourself to become more sensitive and knowledgeable. There are a lot of books on the subject (see recommended reading at the end), online resources like NEDA and ANAD, and possibly some support groups local to you. If your loved one is willing to share about their experience, that is of course, an ideal place to learn. Eating disorders by nature tend to be surrounded by secrecy and shame, but there are things you can to make it more or less likely he or she will open up. Which leads to #3…

#3. Work on being a safe person. As you learn more about eating disorders, you’ll be more attune to things that could be detrimental for your loved one. Even with the best of intentions, people often say or suggest things that are triggering or insulting. Oversimplifying their struggles by telling them to just eat or to just stop throwing up, assuring them they look great, or suggesting diet plans are examples of common but counter-productive attempts to help.

In general, taking a non-judgmental approach that doesn’t shame, scold, or criticize the other person is more likely to foster open communication. Assure him or her that you want to understand better than you do now and that you’re ready to listen… and then really listen. At times, it will be appropriate to encourage them to get help, but if you jump to that too quickly, the other person is more often than not going to feel misunderstood. Check out this article from NEDA for more detailed tips on talking to a loved one about his or her eating disorder.

#4. Draw appropriate boundaries. This is a tricky one that could probably be its own blog post. Basically, you have to figure out where the line is between supporting someone and not trying to control them. Trying to control others doesn’t usually work and can even make them more resistant to change (thanks to that rebellious nature in all of us). For example, unless they’ve asked you to provide some accountability, comments about what they are or are not eating will likely backfire. Pushing someone to recover before they’re ready usually means recovery won’t be successful, even if they appear to be going through the motions. The person’s own motivation is key.

There are some exceptions to these principles. One is in cases where the eating disorder is so severe that medical care is necessary and then yes, intervention could mean life or death. If you’re not sure whether you’re in such a situation, talk to a medical doctor or therapist who is familiar with eating disorders.

The other exception is if you are the parent of a child or teenager. Naturally, your boundaries with that person are already different because they are under your care and you are responsible for their physical and emotional well-being. In that case, I believe forcing a child into treatment might make sense. But keep in mind the same caveat about personal motivation applies… recovery won’t happen until that person, regardless of age, decides for themselves to really try.

Following all these steps won’t guarantee you don’t get “poked” while trying to help. Believe it or not, people with eating disorders feel like they have a lot of reasons to stay sick and the thought of recovery can be, as that young woman said, absolutely terrifying. The fear and shame that accompany eating disorders make recovery hard to consider. Take care of yourself and resist the temptation to take on “fixing” them. Offer patience, support, and honesty, and by all means, seek out help and support for yourself! It’s not easy to love a porcupine.

Much love,
Cherie Signature

Recommended Reading:

Brave Girl Eating

Surviving an Eating Disorder: Strategies for Family and Friends

Life Without Ed

About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope
Cherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

Sometimes Wrong is Good

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Photo credit: http://eduvir.com.br

If there’s one thing that all my eating disorder clients have had in common, it’s this: at some point or another, they believe they can’t really recover.

This is the best I can be.
I’ll never get better.
I’ll always be stuck like this.
Recovery isn’t possible for me.

But you know what? Every person I know (including myself) who has recovered from an eating disorder said and believed those same things.

It turns out, we were wrong.

Maybe you’re working on recovery and the hard days leave you feeling like you’ll never get there. Or maybe recovery feels so impossible and elusive that you’re not even trying. Either way, what if you’re wrong? Maybe, just maybe, it’s not only possible but you will actually get there eventually. Being wrong isn’t usually a good feeling, but it would be pretty awesome to be wrong about this, wouldn’t it?

Dare to hope.

Much love,
Cherie Signature

About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope
Cherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

 

I Want to Be Happier… Now What?

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Image credit: Daniel Posthuma on unsplash.com.

Last post, I talked about how becoming happier starts with a decision to choose happiness. Maybe it sounds lame and you’re thinking, who wouldn’t choose to be happy? But there are a lot of reasons we choose to be miserable instead… denying responsibility, side-stepping the discomfort of change, avoiding the anxiety of the unknown, being unwilling to make the sacrifices that might be required, etc. etc. etc.

Ok, but what if we do choose to be happy… what’s next?

Well, I wish I could give a formula, but it isn’t quite that simple. I know, I’d love a formula too! I like things very cut-and-dry. But living life isn’t like following a recipe. It’s more like creating a unique work of art, and that’s just what your life is: a work of art.

That being said, I do have some suggestions that might be helpful. Honestly, I could (and likely will at some point) do entire posts on each of these topics, but it would be overwhelming to try and cover it all here. So this 5-point list is a starting point and my best attempt at creating a “formula” for happiness.

#1. Practice Gratitude
It is easy to focus on the negative, on what is not going right and what we don’t have. It takes intentional effort to look for and focus on the positives. But doing so reminds us of all the good we take for granted and leads to more positive emotions. I agree with Melody Beattie: “Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

#2. Create Soul Moments
Think about moments when you have felt peace or joy. Maybe it is being outside and soaking in nature, or reading a good book with a warm cup of coffee in hand. Perhaps it’s making connections with others through deep conversation, or cooking a delicious meal, or family game night and lots of laughter with your kids. Is it creating beauty through painting or planting beautiful flowers? Whether it’s playing tennis or playing Bunko (don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone), make a list of what makes you feel happy and do more of that.

#3. Release Expectations
Consider if your expectations of yourself, others, and perhaps even life, are realistic. Do you expect a toxic mother to treat you with respect and kindness? Do you expect your spouse to read your mind, or life to be fair, or you to be perfect all the time? Lowering your expectations is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s appropriate and incredibly freeing. Unrealistic expectations are a set-up for failure and hangover frustration, shame, or discontentment always follow.

#4. Live Your Values
What are your passions in life? For some, it’s family or friends. It might be spirituality. It could be humor, kindness, learning, service or wealth. Likely, you have a few top values and then secondary ones beneath those. But does your life reflect those values? If your highest value is family, but you’re working excessive hours, you’re not living within your values. Those long hours might be fine if your top value is wealth, but when our lives are incongruent with what is actually most important to us, we will usually feel frustrated and unhappy. Sometimes that’s unavoidable because there are bills to paid or other factors out of our control, but as much as you can take steps to bring your values and your life in parallel, the more fulfilled you will be.

#5. Take Care of Yourself
This is so common sense, but it’s completely not common. We are terrible at taking care of ourselves! Evaluate each of these areas in your own life and determine which ones need some improvement:

  • Are you getting enough rest and sleep? For most people that means at least 7-9 hours of sleep a night as well as time for relaxation.
  • Do you move your body? It doesn’t have to be 45 minutes at the gym; a 10-minute walk outside counts (and gives the extra benefit of a vitamin D boost from the sunshine!).
  • Are you eating a balanced diet and not over- or under-eating? It is impossible to feel good if we aren’t nourishing ourselves or if we are abusing our bodies with food.
  • Do you address any medical conditions with the proper care and medication? Do you even go to the doctor regularly to know if you have any medical conditions needing treatment? And yes, that includes treating mental health issues too!

Can you think of other ideas that cultivate happiness? Let me know what’s been helpful for you!

Much love,
Cherie Signature

About Cherie Miller @ Dare 2 Hope
Cherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

The First Step to Being Happy

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Photo Credit: Psychology Today

Some of us just never really seem to find or hang on to happiness for long. And yet there are some people who are happy even when life is really hard. During our lifetime, we will, without question, experience heartbreak or undeserved tragedies. No one is immune; suffering is an unavoidable part of the human condition. So how do some some people manage to stay relatively happy or more quickly recapture their happiness after devestation?

Those types of people take responsibility for their own happiness, and that starts with choosing to be happy.  It is always a choice to be made—and not just once, but daily, maybe minute by minute—even as we are bombarded with reasons not to be happy.

It can be tempting to abdicate our happiness responsibility by blaming our circumstances or others, and sometimes, it would even be perfectly understandable given what’s going on in our lives. But that leaves us helpless. Helplessness is scary because it means we will be stuck and miserable until something or someone else changes. When we realize we can take control of our happiness and are brave enough to own that process, joy becomes possible again, whether or not other things change. Taking responsibility means we are powerful instead of powerless. It’s not easy at all, but it is life-changing.

Ask yourself what keeps you from choosing to be happy. Does taking personal responsiblity for your feelings seem too hard? Does it feel like letting people who have hurt you off the hook? Make a list of all the ways that believing you have no control over your happiness prevents you from having the life you want. Now, make a list of the ways your life would be different if you could cultivate more happiness for yourself instead of waiting for it to happen to you.

After creating each list, consider making a commitment to start choosing happiness and learning how to live that out. Go ahead, it’s okay to chase joy! If you’re a reader like me, a fun book on the topic is The Happiness Dare by Jennifer Dukes Lee.

P.S. Depression can be a biological condition, not just an emotional one, needing medical treatment such as medication so please don’t think I’m saying depression can be cured by thinking happy thoughts! Sadness and depression are not only unavoidable at times, I don’t even think we should try to always avoid them. Though painful (I know from personal experience), they can serve a purpose by adding meaning and depth to our lives. They can grow us and teach us important lessons, like how to reach out for connection or to slow down and take care of ourselves. The point is just DON’T STAY STUCK there longer than you need to!

Be well,
Cherie Signature

DPP_0015bCherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

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Try This Technique to Avoid Body Comparing

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It is so hard to look at people in the media and not compare ourselves. Sometimes without even noticing it, we start taking note of how “perfect” someone else looks as well as of all the ways we don’t measure up to that. “I’m so out of shape…I wish my stomach was that flat…I want her hair!” Even if we felt pretty good right before that, we end up feeling terrible. And if we did already feel bad about ourselves, now we have an extra helping of shame and self-loathing.

Maybe you’ve realized it’s pointless to compare yourself to the Photoshopped images at the check-out stand and the perfectly polished people on TV who have a team of hair, clothes, and makeup artists. Hopefully you’ve realized it’s unrealistic and therefore not a fair comparison. But even if you’ve managed to get to that place, have you also stopped comparing yourself to real-world people? This can be so much harder. Whether it’s related to our careers, finances, relationships, abilities, and of course, our appearances, we tend to measure ourselves by how we compare to others around us. It could be your best friend coworker or the lady jogging down the street in her spandex and sports bra. Maybe you walk into rooms and immediately start sizing everyone up to see if you’re prettier, thinner, or more fit than the other people there.

Comparisons are a pretty unreliable system for defining self-image. I mean, there are always going to be people who you are “better” than. And there are also always going to be people who are “better” than you. You will always encounter people who are prettier, thinner, smarter, whatever-er than you. And so the feelings of superiority and inferiority teeter-totter back and forth as you compare yourself to various people, and any sense of security will be temporary and totally dependent on others.

Next time you’re tempted to pore over someone else and notice how “perfect” they are and all the ways you think your body is inferior, simply look away as quickly as you can to prevent your brain (or your eating disorder) from ramping up with its criticisms. I call it bouncing your eyes because you bounce your eyes off that other person before you can really zero in on them enough to fully play the comparison game. Instead of spending those next few minutes comparing yourself to them, distract yourself by focusing on something else entirely. You might still feel some shame, but it will be much less intense than the usual torrent that comes with the comparison checklist. I’m sure you can find something better to do with your time and energy; I know I can!

Be well,

Cherie_signature

DPP_0015bCherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

What Are You Losing?

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Often, after having an eating disorder for a while, it becomes part of your identity. The problem is that eating disorders are jealous things—they don’t like to share you with anyone or anything else. Your disorder doesn’t want to just be a part of your identity, it wants to be your whole identity. Before you know it, you’re wondering what happened to all the other parts of you…or maybe you’re noticing those parts slowly slip away and it scares you.

I hope it does. Because you are not your eating disorder. There’s much more to you and so many more—better—things that make you special.

I was chatting with a girl the other day who was feeling a lot of anxiety after eating an entire meal for the first time in a long time, and she said she felt like she’d betrayed her eating disorder. I reminded her that she is not her eating disorder, but she said it feels like they are the same. I asked if she is also a dancer (her passion in life!) and she said yes. But the sad truth is, she can’t dance right now because she isn’t healthy enough. Her eating disorder is consuming that part of her. She is also a mother and wife who desperately loves her family, but she’s away from them so much because of all the treatment she’s been in for years… Another part of her lost to an eating disorder that promises so much, but in reality gives so little when you really weigh the costs.

What if she looked at recovery differently…not as betraying the eating disorder or the eating disordered part of herself, but instead, saw it as nurturing the dancer, the mother, and the wife parts of her? Those parts need to be well fed, emotionally and physically, to thrive.

What about you? What parts of yourself are being sacrificed to your eating disorder and which are most important—which are you most willing to fight for?

much love,

Cherie_signature

 

DPP_0015bCherie Miller, MS, LPC opened Dare 2 Hope Counseling to help clients all over the country get free from their food, weight, and self-confidence struggles. Her specialty is eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating, orthorexia and other unhealthy eating patterns. Contact her here.

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